As marriage counselors, our job sometimes is to play the role of mediator. Often, our clients come into counseling sessions with pent-up anger and disappointment in one another. Disputes can be compounded when one or both of the individuals' friends and family get involved. This is a common problem in relationships and often leads to the dissolution of marriages.
Your Marriage Should Only Be Between You and Your Spouse
When a problem arises between two people in a relationship, they often vent their frustrations to anyone who will listen. Naturally, the people they vent to are usually the people who are closest to them - friends and family. Inevitably, the friends or family begin to harbor ill feelings towards their loved one's spouse. Even if it takes years for the disdain and hatred to come out, it eventually will!
Although it may be difficult, both parties need to understand the simple truth that bringing friends and or family into your marriage will destroy it. The other person is going to feel like you're abandoning them and teaming up with your loved ones against them. If you cherish your spouse, you need to protect your marriage from outside influence. If your friends or family have already gotten involved in your relationship, you may need to enforce boundaries with them. Of course, this may lead to problems between you and your friends and family because they will likely reason 'Why did you involve us in your problems if you don't want our 'help?'"
Is Hurt Pride or an Ego Causing Your Marital Problems?
Most of the time, when serious problems arise in a marriage, it's because one of the individuals feels slighted in some way. They may or may not approach their spouse in a tactful way, but if they don't get an apology or whatever course of action they expected, it's going to be World War 3. If you are the type to drop hints, please remember that your partner is not psychic. They cannot read your mind, and they may have no desire to attempt to do so.
Yet, it's amazing how many people think that their partners should be able and should be willing to pick up on their cues. This is a rather immature way of expressing one's self. As a married adult, you need to be communicating your needs, feelings, thoughts, desires, etc. Try speaking to your partner. Remember, wait until both of you cool down, and don't try to talk to your partner while they're still hot or while you're still hot for that matter. The right words spoken in the wrong way or at the wrong time will do more harm than good.
Are You Suffering from a Loveless Marriage
Because of our experiences in this world, many of us forget what love is or never learn to love in the first place. Although there is no magic pill to fix this, there are some skills you can learn to fix a broken or damaged relationship before you lose it completely. The fact that you're considering counseling shows you value this relationship and care about your spouse. St. Charles Counseling can give you the tools you need to fix it, but in the end, it'll be up to you to put those tools to work. Remember, the way you behave should never be reactionary. It should never be contingent, and it should never be based on what your partner does or doesn't do. To speak with one of our professional marriage counselors, give us a call today.Marriage Counselor
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St. Charles Counseling has been providing counseling services in the Fox Valley area since 2004. Every therapist at St. Charles Counseling have each been a licensed therapist for 20 years or more and have a combined experience of over 75 years in the counseling field. We offer individual, adolescent, marriage and family counseling to clients from the Fox Valley and surrounding areas, including West Chicago, Campton Hills, South Elgin, Geneva, and Batavia.
We feel strongly that therapy is not a place people come once they have failed. Rather, it’s what they do once they have decided to face life’s challenges head on and have chosen to succeed at overcoming them. You can do it. We can help.